Nothing Is Fun For The Whole Family
This seems lovely, doesn’t it? Until you realise that is not the ocean Garnet is wallowing in but actually self-pity. See the ripples of...
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JESSICA DETTMANN
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jdettmann
Mar 29, 20163 min read
The Longest Weekend
Poor little kid. She and her brother are so prone to ear infections and croup. They just have tiny little respiratory tracts and...
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jdettmann
Nov 23, 20154 min read
Some Enchanted Evening
Obviously this is not the beach we went to in this story. This is Waikiki beach, where I have also been grumpy in the recent past. I’m...
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jdettmann
Jun 11, 20154 min read
Tough Love
This morning, as I prepared the third course of May Blossom and Garnet’s breakfast, I began to think they were a bit spoiled. After they...
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jdettmann
May 6, 20153 min read
File It Under ‘F’.
Of course when I made the booking I didn’t write down the time or date anywhere, so a few days ago I remembered about it, in a panic, and...
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jdettmann
Apr 22, 20153 min read
If You Can Keep Your Head When All About You Are Losing Theirs
Please disregard the feature damp patch on the ceiling. We’ll deal with it one day. Probably when the bath falls onto the dining-room...
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jdettmann
Apr 1, 20153 min read
Ten Years? You Get Less For Murder!
I settled on going as a snake charmer. I do know that’s not an actual carnival or circus thing. I didn’t dress as an Indian sitting on a...
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jdettmann
Feb 18, 20153 min read
Shut Up, If You Please
One night I let things escalate horribly. I was so tired of being shouted at and told I was very, very mean, when really I am only a bit...
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jdettmann
Jan 15, 20143 min read
When You Think He’s Fast Asleep, He’s Always Wide Awake
Why the italics, you might ask. What has Gusto done to merit that? Nothing. Gusto is being an exemplary feline. It is the jellicle cats...
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jdettmann
Dec 12, 20133 min read
Flat-packed
So sweet, you’d never know they have tiny ear canals brimming with filth and germs. Nor that the one on the right is about to throw up in...
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jdettmann
Aug 24, 20133 min read
Upstairs Downstairs
The state of the carpet on the stairs is too shameful to photograph, so here’s a picture of Garnet in a massive hat instead. Our new...
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jdettmann
Aug 9, 20133 min read
In The House
Remember when I used to write things on this blog? Those were the days, eh? Well, those days might be returning. Things are finally,...
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jdettmann
May 22, 20132 min read
True Romance
Because I want this to remain a mummy blog, and not morph into a beauty blog, I shall refrain from giving you the contact details of the...
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jdettmann
Mar 25, 20134 min read
The Real Boss
Come the week of the concert and my mum, who had bravely offered to babysit both May Blossom and Garnet, politely asked how we were going...
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jdettmann
Jan 16, 20133 min read
A Month
Garnet has one elf ear. The other is a human ear. We are unsure what, if anything, to make of this. Garnet’s 24 days old. It’s been a bit...
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jdettmann
Dec 9, 20122 min read
We Sleep The Sleep Of The Furious
Whenever May Blossom wakes up these days, the first thing she says is, in a very irritated tone of voice: ‘I didn’t want to go to sleep.’...
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jdettmann
Dec 4, 20121 min read
You Give Me Fever
In the event of finding yourself over thirty-eight weeks pregnant and suffering from a virus that makes you burn with fever and shake...
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jdettmann
Nov 29, 20122 min read
Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life
An optimist is one who happily rides her friend’s bike with no pants on. I am a pessimist. I specialise in negative visualisation. Much...
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jdettmann
Nov 28, 20123 min read
My Patience Is The Only Thin Part Of Me
But, weirdly enough, it was one of the loveliest nights I can remember. Partly because nights in general, in my opinion, are for sleeping...
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jdettmann
Nov 24, 20123 min read
My Wedding Advice
My most excellent friends Nic and Wilf are getting married today! So, in their honour, I present my top ten pieces of wedding day advice....
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