Not What It Seems
‘What’s that window doing there?’ I asked. ‘It’s not really a window,’ the brickie told me. ‘It’s more of a vent.’ I said nothing. ‘So...
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JESSICA DETTMANN
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jdettmann
May 29, 20171 min read
i carry your snot with me (i carry it in my bag)
i carry your snot with me (i carry it in my bag) i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my snotfaced dear; and whatever is blown...
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jdettmann
Mar 29, 20173 min read
Jackhammers, Interrupted
I, sadly not a celestial being, had to remain here on the earth that quaked every day for eight or nine hours as the diggers ripped...
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jdettmann
Feb 22, 20174 min read
Contact High
That, of course, is when then the gods strike you down. That is when you all come down with a virus and the teacher sends home a bunch of...
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jdettmann
Feb 14, 20173 min read
Romance Club
In the past I have been very bad at giving Valentine’s Day gifts to H, which is a great shame because he is far more romantic than I am...
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jdettmann
Jan 12, 20173 min read
TWELVE Days of Christmas? Not On My Watch
Proper homemade gingerbread house that I had absolutely nothing to do with. Grandmothers are where it’s at. Good New Year to you, dear...
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jdettmann
Oct 10, 20163 min read
Pining For The Fjords
I’m doing that thing I always do when I come back from new and wonderful, and I try to transport the lifestyle. When H and I went to...
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jdettmann
Sep 1, 20162 min read
The Festival of Dangerous Ideas, As Programmed By My Children
Festival of Dangerous Ideas kicks off. My parents are going to heaps of things at this festival, including Alexei Sayle’s talk ‘Thatcher...
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jdettmann
Aug 11, 20163 min read
Olympics Para Siempre
We are disgraceful: this was one of only two photos we have of anyone in this family doing anything even vaguely athletic, while also not...
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jdettmann
Jul 20, 20164 min read
In The End, It Was The Odd Socks That Finished Her Off
Garnet searching for his socks. We’ve been on a holiday. A driving holiday, and while I’ll try to write about that soon, and tell you all...
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jdettmann
Apr 4, 20162 min read
This Is Your Birthday With Kids
Maybe I’ll just leave it. Last year the suggested gifts were iron and sugar, and H is still a bit grumpy about the bits of toffee that...
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jdettmann
Feb 23, 20163 min read
The Life-Changing Magic of Chucking Out Other People’s Stuff
This time the kids were home so we thought we’d mix things up a bit. We assessed each item with a cool and unforgiving eye, and applied...
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jdettmann
Dec 21, 20153 min read
Life’s A Treat
Last week Garnet turned three. He’s not a hundred per cent ok with that. The boy has a complicated relationship with the ageing process....
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jdettmann
Nov 30, 20154 min read
A Realistic Advent Calendar
Tomorrow is the first of December, which means today is the perfect day for good parents to fire up Pinterest and check out some of the...
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jdettmann
Nov 23, 20154 min read
Some Enchanted Evening
Obviously this is not the beach we went to in this story. This is Waikiki beach, where I have also been grumpy in the recent past. I’m...
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jdettmann
Nov 2, 20152 min read
Question Time
One morning – bloody early one morning – he asked me the following questions in the space of half an hour, which is how long it takes to...
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jdettmann
Jun 17, 20154 min read
How To Make Antibiotics In Your Own Car
Garnet, who has a lot of dandelion picking to do to get back in my good books. There is a new rule in the House of Gusto: no one is...
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jdettmann
Jun 11, 20154 min read
Tough Love
This morning, as I prepared the third course of May Blossom and Garnet’s breakfast, I began to think they were a bit spoiled. After they...
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jdettmann
Apr 17, 20152 min read
The Mysterious Chocolate Cookies of Misery
I made the cookies using an amalgamation of recipes on the internet, which I found by googling ‘cacao almond cookies’. They all contained...
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jdettmann
Apr 15, 20152 min read
How Funny? Pants-Off Funny
Benny Hill is a cultural reference that is on its last legs, I’d say. I only recall it vaguely from my childhood, mostly because it...
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