Songs by The Smiths or Things My Three Year Old Said Today?
Portrait of Garnet by his sister or Smiths album cover? In lieu of a proper post, today I have a fun game for you, dear readers. It’s...
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JESSICA DETTMANN
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jdettmann
Jun 15, 20164 min read
Sticker Shock
Part of a Lego exhibition we saw on the weekend and in no way a freakishly accurate representation of our bedroom when it’s my morning to...
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jdettmann
Jun 3, 20163 min read
Who Will Rock Me?
We Will Rock You is a musical by Ben Elton, based on the songs of Queen. When arranging the tickets I made very sure Dad was aware that...
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jdettmann
May 17, 20164 min read
The Joy of Sticks
From top: gun, sword, wand. AKA ‘kindling for Granddad’. I’ve never thought brandishing a stick was a good idea. We were always told by...
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jdettmann
Apr 27, 20165 min read
Nothing Is Fun For The Whole Family
This seems lovely, doesn’t it? Until you realise that is not the ocean Garnet is wallowing in but actually self-pity. See the ripples of...
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jdettmann
Apr 4, 20162 min read
This Is Your Birthday With Kids
Maybe I’ll just leave it. Last year the suggested gifts were iron and sugar, and H is still a bit grumpy about the bits of toffee that...
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jdettmann
Mar 29, 20163 min read
The Longest Weekend
Poor little kid. She and her brother are so prone to ear infections and croup. They just have tiny little respiratory tracts and...
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jdettmann
Mar 23, 20163 min read
A Hot Cross Son for Easter
This week he has been brought to howling tears by many and varied injustices. There was the fact that I would not go under the house to...
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jdettmann
Mar 16, 20164 min read
Testing Times
Occasionally he makes up a word (‘You nuckus!’) or just pops something that’s not an insult at all (‘You big sandwich!) None of it is...
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jdettmann
Mar 8, 20163 min read
Good Spider, Bad Spider
Dumbledore (left) and Huntsman Who Did Not Heed Me (right) Sydney’s in the middle of a plague of spiders. Summer forgot to end and for...
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jdettmann
Mar 1, 20163 min read
Tropical with No Chance of Orang-utans
How I cope with this is to put aside what I should be doing (perhaps preparing my keynote speech for the International Conference on...
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jdettmann
Feb 15, 20163 min read
I Wandered Lonely As A Cloud Whose Kids Are Both At School
Garnet’s preschool curriculum focuses on how to induce guilt. The slow process of settling the kids into school and preschool continues...
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jdettmann
Feb 5, 20162 min read
7 Reasons My Five Year Old Shouldn’t Have to Go to School, According to Her
I have already been to school. For five whole days. What do you mean, five days isn’t enough? How long is this ridiculousness supposed to...
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jdettmann
Jan 29, 20163 min read
The First Rule of the Best Start Interview is Don’t Talk About the Best Start Interview
I was hoping the test hadn’t started yet. May Blossom has just been for her pre-starting-school chat with a kindy teacher, which is...
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jdettmann
Dec 21, 20153 min read
Life’s A Treat
Last week Garnet turned three. He’s not a hundred per cent ok with that. The boy has a complicated relationship with the ageing process....
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jdettmann
Nov 30, 20154 min read
A Realistic Advent Calendar
Tomorrow is the first of December, which means today is the perfect day for good parents to fire up Pinterest and check out some of the...
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jdettmann
Nov 23, 20154 min read
Some Enchanted Evening
Obviously this is not the beach we went to in this story. This is Waikiki beach, where I have also been grumpy in the recent past. I’m...
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jdettmann
Nov 16, 20153 min read
Ignorance Is Bliss
Apocalypse now, or have we time for another coffee before the end of days? ‘Why do I still have to go to kindy?’ May Blossom moaned to...
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jdettmann
Nov 2, 20152 min read
Question Time
One morning – bloody early one morning – he asked me the following questions in the space of half an hour, which is how long it takes to...
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jdettmann
Oct 14, 20153 min read
My Head Is A Compost Bin
Hiding in the corner, not doing its job well. Come on, compost bin, lean in. Hello! Well, Mental Health Week came and went last week, and...
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