A Month
Garnet has one elf ear. The other is a human ear. We are unsure what, if anything, to make of this. Garnet’s 24 days old. It’s been a bit...
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JESSICA DETTMANN
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jdettmann
Dec 14, 20122 min read
Keep Calm And Carry On Like A Pork Chop
May Blossom re-enacts what will happen if you don’t shut about about your birth plan while having coffee with friends. My friends Lou and...
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jdettmann
Dec 9, 20122 min read
We Sleep The Sleep Of The Furious
Whenever May Blossom wakes up these days, the first thing she says is, in a very irritated tone of voice: ‘I didn’t want to go to sleep.’...
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jdettmann
Dec 4, 20121 min read
You Give Me Fever
In the event of finding yourself over thirty-eight weeks pregnant and suffering from a virus that makes you burn with fever and shake...
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jdettmann
Dec 2, 20121 min read
More Cat, Less Complaining
Obie in repose Obie in terror. Poor old Gusto. Since Obie died she doesn’t really have anyone to frighten any more. Tormenting Obiedog...
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jdettmann
Nov 28, 20123 min read
My Patience Is The Only Thin Part Of Me
But, weirdly enough, it was one of the loveliest nights I can remember. Partly because nights in general, in my opinion, are for sleeping...
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jdettmann
Nov 26, 20121 min read
My Chief Weapon Is Surprise
Eagle-eyed readers of my previous post have politely pointed out that there are only five entries in my list of six excellent foreign...
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jdettmann
Nov 25, 20121 min read
All That Glitters
It turned out that the sparkly dress I bought online and wore to the wedding yesterday was just a dress with glitter glued to it. Not...
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jdettmann
Nov 19, 20122 min read
If You Can’t Say Something Nice…
Today nearly slipped by without a blog. Today was hard. Physically I feel like crap right now and trying to be funny feels forced. So...
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jdettmann
Nov 15, 20122 min read
It Doesn’t Touch The Mango
Which of the two following stories is scarier? Thing 1. This week I saw a new physiotherapist. She told me I should wear what can only be...
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jdettmann
Nov 14, 20121 min read
This Is What You Get When You Mess With Us
I think we all feel like this today. Because of the wonders of Facebook, I know, for certain, that everyone else in the civilised world...
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jdettmann
Nov 12, 20122 min read
Blog It Out
May Blossom playing ‘Caesarean Sections’ with her play-doh. Earlier this evening I was in the bath, eating a piece of toast with peanut...
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jdettmann
Oct 18, 20123 min read
Grant Me The Serenity
Lunch out with a tiny nun always helps. I haven’t been feeling very good lately. It’s nothing that the birth of NB won’t fix (or possibly...
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jdettmann
Oct 2, 20122 min read
Taxing
There’s not a lot of coherent narrative flow going on in my life right now, and so, to reflect that, here are some random observations...
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jdettmann
Aug 28, 20124 min read
The Crying Game
One of the many stunning gender-neutral outfits May Blossom will be handing down to her sibling. According to the medical establishment I...
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jdettmann
Jul 25, 20122 min read
Degree Of Difficulty
Oh for the days when the in-seat phone was all the entertainment she needed. In about four hours we are heading to the airport to fly for...
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jdettmann
Jun 26, 20122 min read
Absence Makes The Weather Grow Colder.
Um, no. I haven’t got a good reason. I was just off, you know, living my life and trying to keep warm. Oh, and GROWING A HUMAN, too,...
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jdettmann
Jun 15, 20122 min read
Paint It Black
A mother, on the other hand, in my humble experience of less than two years, is more like the shell of a person. The stretched out, faded...
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jdettmann
Jun 5, 20123 min read
Great Expectations
Here’s a blurry picture of the creature to be known henceforth as NB. Those are the initials of its in utero name, but could equally...
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jdettmann
Jan 19, 20123 min read
I’ll Tumble For You
Warning to the pregnant: Contents of bump gives not one shit how, or even if, you fold their clothes. Also, your thighs will not stay...
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